Offend Your Honor
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.""It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.
"Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."
"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.
"But I did send them," said the defendant.
"What?? You did?"
"Yes, That's how we won the case."
"I don't understand," said the lawyer.
"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card..."
裁判官を侮辱
莫大な金額がかかった裁判で被告人が弁護士に言う、「この裁判に負けたらおれは終わりだ。」「後は裁判官の決めることだ、」と弁護士が言う。
「葉巻を一箱送ったりしたらうまく行くかな？」と被告人が言う。
「だめだよ！」と弁護士は言う。「この裁判官は倫理的行動にすごくうるさいんだ。そんなことをしたら逆に偏見を持たれてしまう。もしかしたら賄賂を贈ったということにされてしまうかもしれない。裁判官に微笑みかけるのさえやめたほうがいい。」
しばらくが経過し、裁判官は被告人に有利な裁決を下す。被告人が裁判所を出る時に弁護士にこう言う、「葉巻の件で教えてくれてありがとう。うまく行ったよ。」
「あなたが送っていたりしたら負けてたに違いないよ。」と弁護士が言う。
「だけど、送ったんだ。」と被告人が言う。
「なに？？送った？」
「ああ、それでこの裁判に勝ったんだ。」
「何の事だか分からないよ。」と弁護士が言う。
「簡単だよ。一番安い葉巻を裁判官に送ったんだ、原告の名刺を一緒に入れてね．．．」
