What is POLITICS? - 政治って何？

What is POLITICS?

SON: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?

DAD: "Sure son, what's the question?"

SON: "What is POLITICS?"

DAD: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me MANAGEMENT. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the GOVERNMENT. We take care of your needs so let's call you the PEOPLE. We'll call the maid the WORKING CLASS and your baby brother the FUTURE. Do you understand?"

SON: "I'm not really sure Dad, I'll have to think about it".

That night the boy was awakened by his baby brother's crying, so he went to see what was wrong. Discovering the baby has seriously soiled his diaper, the son went to his parents room, only to find his mother asleep. He then went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheard by his father and the maid, so the boy went back to the bed and went to sleep.

The Next Morning........

SON: "Dad, I think I understand Politics now."

DAD: "That's great son, explain to me in your own words."

SON: "Well, Dad, while the MANAGEMENT is screwing the WORKING CLASS, the GOVERNMENT is sound asleep. The PEOPLE are completely ignored, and the FUTURE is full of SHIT."

Silent Love - 沈黙の愛

Silent Love

Once upon a time, there was a prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year.

However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, the following year he was allowed to speak two words. (This was before the time of letter writing or sign language.)

One day, he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes) and fell madly in love with her. With the greatest difficulty, he refrained from speaking for 2 whole years so that he could look at her and say, "My darling." But at the end of these 2 years, he wished to tell her that he loved her. So he waited 3 more years without speaking, bringing the total number of silent years to 5.

At the end of these 5 years, he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So he waited another 4 years without speaking. Finally, as the 9th year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden, the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"

And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind her dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?"

Wrong About Brother - 兄への誤解

Wrong About Brother

A pregnant woman is in a car accident and falls into deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, " Oh no, not my brother, he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, " Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother thinks, " Wow, that's not a bad name. I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!"

Then she asks the doctor, " What's the boy's name?"The doctor replies, " Denephew."

A True Fan - 本当のファン

A True Fan

A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, "No." Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?"

The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away."

"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"

"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."

The Letter - 手紙

The Letter

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

Love,
Tommy

Life in the Slow Lane - 登坂車線の人生

Life in the Slow Lane

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.

Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office. "What happened to you?" the officer asks.

"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.

"Can you describe what they looked like?"

"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

Irresistible - 拒めない存在

Irresistible

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.

He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.

He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

Lying Contest - 嘘吐き大会

Lying Contest

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Dying of Thirst - 喉が渇いて死んでしまう

Dying of Thirst

A man on a camel rode through miles of the sun-drenched desert searching for some sign of life. His supplies were running low when his camel died. Now on foot, he desperately sought refuge from the heat, and, most importantly, a source for water. Suddenly, he came across a vendor in the middle of the desert.

"Thank God I found you!" the man cried. "Please help me. I'm in dire need of some water."

"Well," said the vendor, "I don't have any water. But would you like to buy one of these fine ties."

"What am I going to do with a tie?" the man asked.

"That's what I'm selling sir. If you don't like it, I can't help you."

The man left the vendor and walked on for many more miles, praying each minute that he would find refuge from the scorching sun. His eyes squinted a bunch of times when he came across a restaurant in the distance. Unable to comprehend a restaurant located in the middle of the desert, he assumed the place was a mirage, but decided to check it out anyway. As he approached the door, his mouth opened in amazement, seeing that the place actually existed.

The doorman stopped him before he entered. "Excuse me sir," the doorman said, "but you can't come in here without a tie!"

Dog Eyes - 犬の目

Dog Eyes

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The host says, "Come on in."

The other guy says to himself, "What the heck," puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in. The host says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

"You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The host says, "A Chihuahua?"

So the guy says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?!"